across the wire

I have the wonderful privilege of presenting a few workshops at a staff training week at Camp Assiniboia. Two workshops deal with on of my favourite groups of people who attend camp - adults with mental and physical disabilities. The third workshop (the most dreaded workshop) is on camp policy around abuse disclosure, suicide, self harm and eating disorders. My supervisor aptly named the workshop "Tough Stuff."

I have been trying to prepare for the last several days and have spent many sleepless nights trying to figure out what it is about this topic the people as young as 16 and as old as 25 (I think) need to hear/experience in order to feel equipped to deal with the situation in a camp setting. I have spend the last two years of my life volunteering at a crisis centre and just when I think I have heard it all, someone comes up with a new way to hurt others. This inevitably spills over into a child's world and now they have to deal with it.

I am no expert, I just have experience. So how did I get myself into this? Policy is great because it tells us the right and wrong answer to problems but does it help us understand, react, support and work as a team? How do we deal with a child after they have told us about what goes on at home? In this respect, our policy tells us that since we are not professionals, it is best not to ask questions we are not prepared to hear the answer to. No leading questions, no clarifying questions, no "can you tell me where he hit you?" Simply report to the right person, follow the chain of command and stay focused in your confidentiality cause. I am obviously being ridged in my representation of how abuse is dealt with, but believe me when I say it is not a more than a fine line when you enter into a situation like this: camp counsellors are not trained in abuse disclosure, peoples lives and livelyhoods are on the line. Credibility, liability and risk become buzz words of the week. Freaky.

So now what? This is essentially the focus of my presentation. How do we move on once we follow the policy? How do you interact with a group of kids after a disclosure? How do we follow a policy that has no regard to the complex and wide range of natural feelings and emotions? This is the part of working with kids that really sucks: some have lives that dark and troubled and it is painful to watch with now power to intervene.

What is it that creates this? Is this "evil?" Is "Satan" behind all of this? Where did humans gain the capacity to hurt one another in an uneven match of adult verses child? How do we pick sides when every one seems to be suffering?

I had one of the best weekends in my life this last weekend. I think I am in love with ropes courses. The picture here is of the "multi-vine" element, similar to the one at Camp Assiniboia which I spent last weekend training on.

I took a certification course for the high ropes elements at Camp Assiniboia. The certification is done by a leader that is flown in from Toronto and teaches us how to run the ropes course.

First, physically this is a difficult thing. Lots of upper body strength is needed to haul equipment, climb, lift, hold, break, tie, hang, pull and drag. Despite the obvious physical aspect of the training, I found that just being nervous about being in the air made my body tense. I came home at the end of each day feeling extremely exhausted but satisfied with my accomplishments.

The panicle of the training came during the emergency rescues. We cut (yes, CUT) a rope to free a person without letting them plummet to certain death. I fortunately was the "victim" had the closest view of my only rope supporting me being cut away and was supported by my rescuer. Although I could see what was happening and knew that I would not fall, it was a scary experience. My body reacted as it should no matter what my mind told it.

Our instructor was more than just a ropes instructor. She was into experiential learning training sessions and knew a fair bit about Jungian personality assessments. She was good at it too. She could see right into all of us and had some great insight as to who we were, how we function and how to improve. It was amazing to swap stories and chat in the evenings about her career and experiences. The soft skills involved in creating and leading initiative tasks, intense ropes courses and debriefing are incredible and I have a lot to learn from her. It was experiencing personal growth through her teachings of using soft skills that my co-worker and I both had post ropes training blues as the experience was so meaningful that we were sad when it was over.

I love listening to music in the morning to help put me into a good mood (not always successful) and to just get ready for the day. Sometimes the music I put on is meaningless, sometimes meaningful. Today is meaningful.

Since I do not know how to post music files, I will share some of the words. Although this song is about relationships (all kinds) it is not about anyone or any experience in my life. The song is on Kinnie Starr's album, Tune Up. It is one part of the secret songs and the end of the CD:

Lets be realistic we all use each other
and if you say you've never used any one you're a liar.
***
Cuz we all use each other like we used food and water
we borrow and exchange our many skills to get farther.
***
There is nothing wrong with wanting someone to share
but there is something sad about demanding so much that you can's see what's already there, that you can't see what is already being shared.
***
I make mistakes, but not intentionally
I gave and give you respect and just loyalty.
***

I have been bitten by the eBay bug. I recently purchased an Ani Difranco CD "UP UP UP UP UP UP" (1999) for under $6. That includes S&H! Now I am searching for all kinds of stuff. It can be an illusion to how much money you might save as I have found that shipping and handling costs are often times crazy ridiculous (one CD from one dealer costs 7.95 USD). I just put a bid (of 0.01 on another CD). I think I need help...

Some people make a business of this. What is the secret? Do they buy online then sell again? Do they buy from yard sales and then sell online? How do people actually make money at this?

For my next big search - kitchen utensils and cookbooks. This one in particular.

As I was biking home from work in the other evening, and I found I had to keep my mouth tightly sealed to prevent me from inhaling mosquitoes! Not a mosquito, but hoards of them. I guess summer is here in Manitoba.

The beauty of the Creator - birds, spiders, dragon flies, bats and more are all created to eat mosquitoes. They deserve an award for taking care of us delicate humans. Our usually method of dealing with conflict - guns - is no use with this pest. Although, I would not say that I would be surprised that people have tried to shoot the little buggers.

With the ever growing threat of West Nile Virus, all mosquito eating animals and insects deserve our respect, yet we continue to fog and kill the very thing that could help us ward of summer pests. Thanks Sam Katz!

Actually, I do not know which side of the fogging fence I am on. My instinct says don't fog, but I also do not have to live in fear of contracting West Nile Virus. What would my argument be if I were older, or sick already and in real risk of contracting the virus? What would I say if I had sever asthma? Would it be fair of me to demand that if you don't want to be bitten, you should stay inside? What if I were only 12 years old and confined inside b/c of bugs? No matter how much noise I make against fogging Winnipeg, I can't help but be blinded by all the gray area.

What do you say?

A mere two days ago, Manitoba was just "Friendly Manitoba." Now we as Manitobans have a new motto/slogan: "Spirited Energy." A recent blogger friend of mine at "Spinster and Lunatic" shared her feelings about the new image and the city has been flooded with radios blaring every Tom Dick and Harry's opinion about it saying "bring back Friendly Manitoba!" The problem with that is while it does appear on our license plates, it is not and has not been our official motto/logo. I believe our old logo was the word Manitoba with a bison behind it something like the one above. It defiantly looks more classy on official documents and pins rather than "Friendly Manitoba." The picture posted here is found on the Government of Manitoba websites.

CBC has been covering this new $2.1 million investment into a new image and logo for Manitoba. You can check out all the hard work that amount of money has brought us here. Basically, it is the slogan "Spirited Energy" and a word logo "Manitoba" with all the letter connecting to each other. Looking at the website, the it is hard to tell what the slogan is about until you start to read some of the text and watch the 2 minute video. The overwhelming message is "Spirited Energy" is about the people that make up Manitoba. Hmmm, when I saw it, I can't I saw myself represented. I was slightly disappointed that the image of prairie farming was a quiet voice, Aboriginal art and history were limited to the video, and it was hard to find First Nations people represented on the website. What I see in the logo/slogan is: Manitoba Hydro, young people, and business. These are the dominant voices and images that I interpret through the art, video and logo. I am sure that those three things are very important, but not very representative of the essence of the Manitoba population.

There are defiantly people on both sides of the fence many who love it and many who don't. Does this new image capture the essence of the people of Manitoba like the website claims? Does it represent our diverse population? Which side of the fence do you fall on and why?

I think that I have previously posted about having 2 blogs, this one and the *other* one that I have not revealed...until now! Yes ladies and gentelmen (or gentleman as I think I have only one male reader - thank to him) I shall reveal the other blog. Or rather it is a link hidden so cleverly (or not) in this post. Those who are worthy will find it and those are not, well just ask me and you shall be guided in the right direction.

I do this because I anticipate some blogging cross over from this and my other blog. The other blog deals with a whole area of my passion - food or rather, the foodie lifestyle. I attempt it in many ways and fail in many ways. Despite what it accomplishes for others, I am growing my foodie wings and I am trying to take steps in the right direction for the distant future of 1) going to some sort of culinary school and 2) owning/cooking at a restaurant.

If you find some of my posts in this blog too dark, depressing, or just plain bizarre - this new one touches on none of that. Happy eating...uh I mean reading.

Well the dream journal is underway. I thought that this was going to be fun, but I am beginning to realize that there is probably a good reason I forget my dreams as soon as I start my day. My first dream I recorded was of my all time biggest phobia...spiders. Not the great dreams I thought I would record.

A quick run though some of my old texts in psychology revealed a wildly fascinating theory from Freud about phobias as he began to study them in the case study of little Hans and his phobia of being bitten by a white horse. Yes, as you have guess the name Freud cannot be found with out some seemingly crazy sexual cause - to Freud, phobias are linked anxieties to the egos insatiable and inappropriate desires. But I digress...

Back to dreams and spiders. Dreaming about spiders is ok, as long as I don't remember that I was dreaming about them. Now with the dream journal, I am reminded and faced with my fears. I have often thought about "curing" myself with a variety of behavior treatments such as systematic desenstization, where your fears are divided into an anxiety hierarchy; 10-15 stages or levels of increasing anxiety provoking situations involving the phobia. This would me I could create 10 steps of approaching or facing my phobia say from seeing a small spider outside as stage one, to the last stage of having a large hairy spider crawling on my body.

Fuck. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. It has been done by others in this way and throughout my undergrad degree, we studied this concept and it has great success rates...if you get the courage to even try it. I will stick with facing my fears in my dreams.

What is your irrational fear?

I have recently finished reading the second book in the Deptford Trilogy "The Manticore" by Robertson Davies. The whole book consists of the process of psychoanalysis of a man first introduced in the first of the Deptford trilogy, "The Fifth Business."

Davey Staunton (main character) is the son of a wealthy Canadian man, Percy Boyd "Boy" Staunton has fled to Zurich to visit a Jungian psychoanalyst, Dr. Johanna von Haller after an outburst in public over the unusual circumstances surrounding his father's death.

What I have become interested in was the attention given to dreams and dream analysis. I have previously posted about it, but I have never consistently paid attention to my dreams. Freudians and Jungians place importance on dream analysis in unlocking the wonder of the unconscious. I have found an old and empty note book to keep by my bed side and I am starting to keep a "dream journal." The purpose is not for analysis, but for interest as I have had some pretty crazy dreams that I don't want to forget.

What do you dream about? Any dreams to share that "you will never forget?" How do you feel about dream analysis?

I did it! I can't believe that I made it with little to no trouble! The task was to bike to work, a mere 15 kms away. Not really that big of a deal right? Well, if you have not bike more than 2 km in any give week, then this is quite a feat.

I was surprised at how little difficulty I had. I thought that 10 minutes into the whole adventure I would be wheezing a the side of the road, wondering if my ass was going to survive. I biked down some major roads in Winnipeg and felt ok. Usually I bike on sidewalks as I am fearful of Winnipeg drivers. I am scared driving in my car, not just when I am on my bike. With my milk crate loaded with files, I took off. I only had to use my bell once, and that was only because I could not stop my self from ringing it just to hear the sound.

Now with this first accomplishment under my belt, I am anticipating the ride home. Although tired, I am looking forward to that feeling of your body hitting the bed and sinking into a deep sleep instantly. Looks like a good day to ride!