across the wire

Dr. Phil has been an afternoon TV staple for many years now. From a rational emotive behaviour therapy approach, Dr. Phil tells (not suggests or encourages) people to "get real" about their issues. This apparently appeals to many "cult" viewers, and Dr. Phil brand psychology is helping to shape pop-psychology in America.

For me, watching Dr. Phil is dole out is self-righteous, right wing Christian advice is painful, however, the other day I was sucked into his show as he was talking about forgiveness which really stuck a chord with me. On his show, he had a young woman who witnessed her father shoot and kill her mother, and now he was a drug addict who has been in and out of prison for several years. This woman was seeking the opportunity to be in a relationship with her father once again, despite the pain and suffering he had caused her. After some conversation, Dr. Phil had helped her see that it was forgiveness she trying to give to her father as a last effort to be in a relationship with him and help him. Dr. Phil's response stopped me in my tracks for the first time. Very empathicly he said forgiveness is not at this point for others, it is for you. When you forgive someone, you are also providing closure for you to move on, because we have no guarantee that our forgiveness will change the behaviour and actions of others. Of course, Dr. Phil had a very eloquent way of saying it. What a concept, when forgiveness becomes about our own personal closure and a way to heal ourselves. How could this transform our world? We say we forgive people and when they do not change we are left hurting. But forgiveness as a way release ourselves from a crisis despite the actions of another...

How we do this is a whole other story.