across the wire

It has been an interesting day - a day of bad luck I guess. Most things that could go wrong did. All I can say to myself is a line my dad often would say: "the sun will still set tonight and the sun will still rise tomorrow, bringing with it a new day - close your eyes and get some sleep." Wise words from him coming from a man who does not lose any sleep. Tomorrow feels like it should be a mental health day to recover and recuperate. Why are mental health days not a part of work routines like sick days are? Why is it more acceptable to have a physical sickness with the body than it is to recover from stressful events, mental health issues, or trauma? What does that say about society? But I digress...

For years I have thought the more stress I could handle the more successful I could consider myself. I hope that this value is fading as it seems useless and futile to "show off" a capacity for self suffering - a North American trait towards individualized lifestyles.

Not that today was so bad, it just seemed to me that the little things seemed like big things. In paying attention to that I know that if I cannot handle the small problems, something in my life is pulling me out of balance. In this situation I quickly respond by finding someone else who needs help taking the focus off of me and letting me avoid it. Not great behaviour for a budding counsellor. But that is life, learning where things need to change, changing them when I can and hoping I can take it with me. The sun will set tonight (it already has) and it will rise again tomorrow morning. What am I going to do with a brand new day?

Now that the Manitoba is finally warm and sunny, it is time to get out the bicycle! This is the first year that can remember since grade 7 that I actually wanted to ride! It is also the second time in my life I have ever owned a bike. It is this bike. It is not that I hate bikes, its just that I had way cooler forms of transportation (posts about my "other" children a.k.a. car and motorcycle at a later date).

Perhaps it is my obsession with being independent that I value all ways of getting around. Not counting walking/running I own/have 4 ways of getting around the city with out a bus pass. This seems a little excessive but coming from a farm outside of a small town, you learn to find ways of maintaining your independence. When I was in grade 7 I bought a bike so that I could pedal the 2.5 miles down the highway to go to school (and back in the day when we didn't wear helmets). What I remember most was not having to ride the bus - not that it was terrible, but now I could rely on my own self to decide my destination. It was freedom with two wheels.

Now, in my new bike awakening, I feel passionate to bike around just for the fun of it. I might start a bike gang - anyone want to join in? First I need a name...suggestions any one? My top choice so far is "the EZ riders" and second choice is a name is stole from elsewhere "the Suppa Tuffz."

Ever had one of "those" days when nothing seems to please you, every one is out to spite you, and you are filled with disdain towards everyone and every thing?

Email has made changed the face of communication, however, I am yet to be convinced that it is the most accurate form of communicating personal conversations. Facts, figures, dates and times are all easily transmitted by email text but when communicating our emotions, reactions, dreams and hopes the message often is misunderstood.

Especially on one of "those" days. Not only do I misinterpret what others are trying to say to me, I often inject my own mood into their message. If I am having a bad day, the words of others are laden with sarcastic tones and cutting remarks. This does not only happen with negative emotions, but positive ones as well. When I feel joyful, I tend to glaze over the writer's message that does not match my mood. Years ago, I had sent and email, not being fully aware of the miscommunication that can happen, I thought that I would stress or highlight the important content of me email WITH ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. This was done totally without malice, but the response I got back was a angry "why are you yelling at me!?" Lesson learned (and perhaps that is why I still write all my emails with out a single capital letter).

It is hard to say what you really want to say over email, as so much meaning is lost when you eliminate tone, intonation, cadence and body language. I say good luck to the word in the age of the blackberry. For those of you out there who need a *little* help articulating what we really want to say in an email, check this out.

Does mood effect the way you perceive other people's intentions, whether through conversations, emails, letters etc? What are your stories with it? Any big slip ups?

This is the reason I wake up in the morning; the sound of the coffee brewing, pouring the hot liquid in to my favourite mug, walking outside in the fresh morning air and taking that first sip of coffee! Heaven.

Although I do not possess the most state of the art brewing equipment, (I don't even grind my beans fresh each morning) some how I have been blessed with above adequate coffee each morning. The coffee gods definantly smile down on me each morning as I take my first wonderful sip of deep, rich, aromatic and sweet and creamy coffee. Like a great dark chocolate that has a hint of fruitiness to it, coffee such as this brings a quality of sweetness in the richness. No cream, no sugar required - in my opinion coffee is good when you get the creaminess and sweenets through the a perfect cup of black coffee. Don't believe me - I invite you over to my house Monday morning for a taste test!

[Photo taken from tonx at flickr. Click here to see more of this beautiful coffee art]

I guess this is the first of many late night posts for me. Sleeping has been a love/hate relationship for me. Many nights (like the last two) I lay awake in bed thinking about anything other than sleep. What thoughts keep me up? The most common theme when I can't sleep is "mistakes I have made." All you counsellor folks out there know what I am talking about and I see you rubbing your hands in delight.

Spending alone time thinking about every wrong thought, lie, deception, inappropriate joke, and malicious action you have ever done does not put you in the mood for a sleep, but prime nightmare environment. Lately my punishment has been to dream that my teeth are being pulled out. What would Freud say about that?

Perhaps I just need this drug to help me - or the simple solution - stop with the reliving of all mistakes I have made. Sweet dreams!

Here is my beginning in the blog world. Actually, for some reason on February 14, 2005 (anyone wish to psychoanalyse?) I opened this blog account but today, May 24, 2006 is my first post. With stats like that, you know this blog will be a success.

Pessimism aside, I am making no promises that this blog will entertain you (ok, maybe I should stick with the pessimism) I only hope that I can gain a few loyal readers who will stay with me and even link my blog to theirs. *hint*

What ever may come in this blog, I can only hope that this is the beginning of somthing good.