Sunday, August 13, 2006
all i have left is self pity
I have just applied for a Canada/Manitoba student loan. I am feeling a little overwhelmed with it and scared of the possibility of owing more and more money, but it is needed lest I not be able to return to school in fall.
I wonder if this ever gets easier - applying to "borrow" money. I have at one point had $20,000 in debt and have slowly chipped away at it bringing it down to $8,000. Every loan I have ever applied for has been a terrible experience; not one filled with possibilities with the sudden income, but of overpowering anxieties of a new burden to carry. With the current loan, my total debt rises to $14,500. Despite the financial optimism of having three part time jobs, I have managed to make only $2,500 this summer, barely enough to cover my bills, food, gas, clothing, friends' wedding, and so on.
In the big picture, I have a very small amount of debt to pay back. What is worse is the anxiety, worry, fear, doubt, unfair allotment of bursuries/grants/scholarships, and lack of a current income more so than the loan itself. All I have left to comfort me is my own self pity.
Financial matters seem to get me the most worked up, but what makes you wallow in sorrow? Money? Time? School? Making a big decision? To all those out there who are feeling sorry for themselves, today is your day. I declare this a "self pity holiday."
I wonder if this ever gets easier - applying to "borrow" money. I have at one point had $20,000 in debt and have slowly chipped away at it bringing it down to $8,000. Every loan I have ever applied for has been a terrible experience; not one filled with possibilities with the sudden income, but of overpowering anxieties of a new burden to carry. With the current loan, my total debt rises to $14,500. Despite the financial optimism of having three part time jobs, I have managed to make only $2,500 this summer, barely enough to cover my bills, food, gas, clothing, friends' wedding, and so on.
In the big picture, I have a very small amount of debt to pay back. What is worse is the anxiety, worry, fear, doubt, unfair allotment of bursuries/grants/scholarships, and lack of a current income more so than the loan itself. All I have left to comfort me is my own self pity.
Financial matters seem to get me the most worked up, but what makes you wallow in sorrow? Money? Time? School? Making a big decision? To all those out there who are feeling sorry for themselves, today is your day. I declare this a "self pity holiday."
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Oh, I'm just beginning to chomp into my future financial woes. I had to call the bank to apply for an increase in my line of credit (my bank doesn't do student loans), and I have to look forward to four more years of this.
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